I'm sorry you're feeling so burdened right now. I don't for one moment assume that it's simple just to say, "I'll stand!" and go on with life without feeling the tug of war in your soul.
When times of great consternation fall on us, we need to go back to the beginning and remember the reason we even decided to stand. Was the decision yours? Was it something YOU wanted to do just because you wanted your husband back? Or, was it something you felt "called" to do?
I can't answer these questions for you without deferring to the Word of God.
1 John 5:14-15
14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him.
So, just what is the will of God for your marriage?
1 Cor 7:27
27 Are you married? Do not seek a divorce.
What about the Lord divorcing Israel? If He hates divorce, how could He issue Israel a decree of divorcement? Because God knew He would be restored to Israel as she is reconciled to Him.
Jer 3:11-13
11 The LORD said to me, "Faithless Israel is more righteous than unfaithful Judah. 12 Go, proclaim this message toward the north: "`Return, faithless Israel,' declares the LORD, `I will frown on you no longer, for I am merciful,' declares the LORD, `I will not be angry forever. 13 Only acknowledge your guilt--you have rebelled against the LORD your God, you have scattered your favors to foreign gods under every spreading tree, and have not obeyed me,'" declares the LORD.
Even God's example of divorce was with a mind of restoration.
Moses allowed the children of Israel divorce because of their hard heartedness. In fact, rebellion and adultery ARE hard heartedness. But God isn't pleased with divorce -- He hates it because it tears apart a holy union. Marriage reflects the triunity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit ... just as you cannot separate God, the triunity of marriage must not be separated. And, even if it IS separated through divorce, there is still a spiritual union that a decree of divorcement cannot sever. Remember that when you marry, the two become one flesh.
John Haggee says that marriage is like mashed potatoes. You take two individual potatoes; you wash them, peel them, slice them up, and put them in boiling water. Then you take the potato masher and mash them, add some milk and butter, and some salt. When you're done, can they once again be separated into two individual potatoes? Well, you can make two separate helpings out of them, but each helping takes a part of both potatoes with them.
So is it with marriage ... even if you're divorced, you will always carry a part of your husband with you. In like manner, he will always have a part of you with him. The spiritual oneness cannot be separated totally.
I sense your hopelessness. But I am convinced that when things look the most hopeless is when you're on the verge of a miracle. The night is always darkest right before the dawn.
It’s imperative that you take your focus off your own emotions. Don't allow the enemy to magnify your loneliness or your emptiness. We are filled with the fullness of God. Let God permeate your whole life. Don't worry about what your husbands are doing with the other woman -- he is not satisfied. He may appear to be, but he is NOT! Even if he won't or can't articulate it, he is counting on us you being there when he comes to his senses.
Right now is your time to prepare for his homecoming, not so much in the physical but in the spiritual. You will need to be strong when he comes home -- and if you don't give up, he WILL come home.
What testimony to the power and faithfulness of God will it be if you have stood for your marriage for all this time and then decide it's time to give up? Every word of testimony to your friends and family will only prove them right. God will not get glory out of anything.
My former pastor once said while praying for a woman with terminal cancer, "Get Yourself glory, Lord!" That's what your stand is all about ... it's about putting yourself in a position to make sure God gets the glory. It's not nearly as much about you feeling fulfilled or finding happiness or peace. It's about you saying, "Get Yourself glory, Lord!" and submit to His leading no matter how long it takes or how much humiliation your husband puts you through. It's all about God being glorified through your life.
You can't take the lead from someone else who once thought they were called to stand and suddenly changes their mind and moves on with life. They have their own issues to deal with. It's easy to just dust off our hands and be done with it and walk away from the whole mess. But God's strength is at work in you and He has been tried and proven time and time again. God has been faithful through your stand and He's not calling it quits! He's ready to continue to strengthen you as you walk day by day, with a determined heart saying, "Get Yourself glory, Lord, through my stand, through believing Your Word is true when it says, 'Let no man put assunder what God has put together!"
The enemy wants you to give up -- he wants God to look foolish, for you to look foolish, for the whole issue of marriage restoration to look foolish. He wants to see destruction in the hearts of those whom God has called and anointed and appointed to do His work and increase His kingdom on this earth. The enemy wants to destroy you -- giving up now is certain destruction. You will always wonder what would have happened if you had just held on one more day. You will always wonder if you had stood with the Lord for your restoration if your husband would finally have said, "I'm coming home!"
No... you can't give up! You can't walk away! You can't deny God the glory for faithfully fulfilling His promise to you.
Close your ears to any other Gospel ... it's a false gospel that has "me" as the focal point rather than the Lord who ALWAYS brings restoration -- who ALWAYS reconciles His people to Himself. Far greater will be the glory God receives when restoration is yours!
We're praying for you ... don't give up! Don't walk away! Don't listen to the enemy's lies! Don't forsake your vows ... "till death do us part"! Let God be glorified through you and ultimately through your marriage.
If you need to talk … contact us now. We will pray with you, encourage you, stand with you, and put you in touch with other women who are going through the same determined struggle to prove the faithfulness of God in their marriage. God won’t let you down! All He asks is that you hold on and not lose faith. Contact us!